Hey Bo! Lookin' Good in That Dress

Some combinations just don’t work.

Ohio State should never play teams wearing orange and blue (see Florida and Illinois); teams sporting winged helmets should never play Appalachian State (see Michigan and the Delaware Blue Hens); and, based on past experience, a Wolverine should not wander within rifle range of the spread offense. Just ask Armanti Edwards, Dennis Dixon, or any member of ESPN’s College Game Day.

So one has to wonder: how does West Virginia’s Rich Rodriguez, mastermind of the spread offense, end up as the head coach of Michigan?

Let’s face it: it’s not as if Rodriguez is going to run anything but the spread in Ann Arbor. You don’t hire a coach for millions of dollars, and say: “Hey, we love what you’ve been doing. Just don’t do it here.” That said, the Wolverine’s transition from one of the nation’s most notoriously conservative offenses (didn’t Lloyd Carr even make a joke about this in a press conference this year?) to the spread will represent one of the largest sea changes ever witnessed in college football. A change no less shocking than if Bo and Woody had suddenly chosen to coach in drag.

Recruiting, for one, will have to start from scratch. Ryan Mallett, the highly touted freshman quarterback who filled in admirably for the injured Henne this year, may have a golden arm, but he’s certainly no dual threat. He has neither the speed of Pat White nor the power of Tim Tebow to run the ball effectively. To this end, Rodriguez told Terrelle Pryor, one of the nation’s top high school QB prospects and a genuine dual threat of the Vince Young variety, that he was taking the job at Ann Arbor before he even announced his decision to the press. Instantly, Pryor scratched West Virginia off his list and penciled in Michigan. If I were Ryan Mallett, I’d be thinking transfer. Preferably to the Miami Dolphins.

And landing the right quarterback is just one of many transitions the Wolverines will face between now and next August. How about teaching the O-line a new offense, or developing the required chemistry between the receiving corps and backfield essential to the spread, where every play can become a hand off, keeper or pass depending on the split second decision the QB makes after the ball is snapped?

So, I ask again: how did Rich Rodriguez end up in Ann Arbor?

My first thought was that Michigan athletic director Bill Martin read my last blog posting and actually tried to follow my advice. After all, he did hire the coach of the Mountaineers…just the wrong Mountaineers.

A more probable theory, perhaps, is this: after losing four in a row to the Buckeyes, and six out of the last seven, it was time for the Wolverines to take drastic action.

The only team that has struggled more with the spread offense than Michigan is Ohio State. The Buckeye’s last two losses have come against such offenses, with Illinois’s dual threat Juice Williams being the latest to make Ohio State’s run defense look like it was anchored by the Golden Girls, not James Laurinaitis, Vernon Gohlston and Malcolm Jenkins. If Michigan actually gets Rodriguez’s new offense together, Ohio State could have its hands full next November. And isn’t that what Michigan wants most?

If they come out next fall wearing orange and blue, I think we’ll know the answer.